IM Quotes
Note: I replaced all my old screen names from these quotes with the new one for convenience. Also, send me your IM conversations with other people if they're sick and amusing, so I can put them up.
The Potter Section
- Duffman: and of course, you know the gender of your residents that I talk to
DarkEagle3: trans-sexual, yup
- Duffman: [Jedi mind trick] You will give the screen names to Big Phil and Horse-faced Kelly... And then you will buy me some nice shoes...
DarkEagle3: ...I will feed shoes to Phil and his lover Kelly...
- Duffman: you'd never suspect it, but I think about sex about once every 15 days for the past few months
DarkEagle3: nope, you're a guy and you're not gay, thus 15 seconds
Duffman: it's just fizzled out -- besides, gay guys think about sex
Duffman: hot, sweaty gay sex
DarkEagle3: and now, you're cut off
Duffman: I'm cut off from what?
DarkEagle3: beer, pot, whatever inspired you to say that
Duffman: you know you want it
- DarkEagle3: and then, I looked down and saw the size of it and was just flabbergasted
Duffman: damn you and your quoteable lines!
DarkEagle3: I mean, goodness, that was such a huge grapefruit
DarkEagle3: it must have been on steroids or something
- DarkEagle3: beware the penis cakes
DarkEagle3: they'll get you every time
- DarkEagle3: but yeah, I'm working the blue light district
- DarkEagle3: dammit, that's just what the vampires want you to do
- DarkEagle3: Has intestinal FORTITUDE!!! Eats PORTIONED meals!!! Enjoys NOURISHMENT!!!
Auto response from Duffman: Cutler people, head down to the lobby to vote for me for president... 6 to 9 PM
DarkEagle3: Corn on the cob is nice, because the cob never shouts GET ME BEER, WOMAN!
DarkEagle3: Rainbows are pretty. I don't know why I shoot at them.
DarkEagle3: Larryphoto told me I'd know a good Becky when I see one. I think I see one! :-)
DarkEagle3: Whatchu say? You call me on da telephones and talkin SMACK about me? No no no!
DarkEagle3: I like my cars like I like my women - fast and expensive! Then I leave them.
DarkEagle3: Crabs and seagulls live on shores. I hope that doesn't make you ugly
DarkEagle3: Rotilla is a GOOD name for my wife. Don't call her "Hey, STUMPY" again. EVER.
DarkEagle3: Who boo boo's da fubu? YOU do! You go da boo boo boo!
DarkEagle3: There was NO REASON for you to call my house and yell at my children
DarkEagle3: I once had a fork. It looked like a spoon, so I called it a spoon. Was I wrong?
DarkEagle3: Has INTEGRITY! Refuses to live on the MOON! Retains his SANITY!
DarkEagle3: Bubbley Gum, Bubbley Gum. If you chew it all day, your mouth feels numb!
DarkEagle3: Alice asked me to make you this sandwich. Here it is. I don't know. Ask her
DarkEagle3: I've carefully avoided typing the number 6 for 32 years now.Times change Iguess.
DarkEagle3: Don't tell whoami, but Barry Manilow is spelled with an i, not an e. Thanx!!
DarkEagle3: The Pope bought his Pope Hat on eBay. You didn't know that, did u? OUTSTANDING!
DarkEagle3: Refreshing you are. Delicious too! Rot my teeth you will. But I drink you still.
DarkEagle3: Fascinating and wondrous is what you are. TWINKLES! Doesn't need SOAP!
DarkEagle3: WEARS CLOTHES SNUGLY. Reads at a COLLEGE level! Uses BALLPOINT pens!
DarkEagle3: 3 times in the last week I've soiled myself. YOU tell ME why.
DarkEagle3: What's orange, brown, black, and red? Give up? They're COLORS, dipshit!
DarkEagle3: If I had a mango, and it was ripe for the pickins, watch out.
- DarkEagle3: I have breasts, but they're not bouncy and voluptuous
- DarkEagle3: I pity the little Duffmans that are no longer swimming as strong as they should be
- DarkEagle3: is hot...if you agree, tell me your away message
Auto response from Duffman: Lambda Lambda Lambda exec, Delta Iota Kappa pledge meeting, Delta Iota Kappa scholarship meeting, back by midnight?
DarkEagle3: sweet!
- DarkEagle3: Leutner comment of the day: "Would you please stop putting pubes in my food. I mean, come on, this is getting out of hand."
- DarkEagle3: must be the crystal meth
- DarkEagle3: oh no, you made the mistake of giving it to me
DarkEagle3: I have since been sending subliminal get away from Pookie messages
Duffman: well, that's no problem, because she doesn't know I'm Pooky -- only Stacy does
DarkEagle3: and that's not a problem then, cause I have also been mixing in "come to potter" messages
- DarkEagle3: Try Jizzums for all your salad dressing needs
- DarkEagle3: well, methinks it's close to dinner
chofmann79: me too
DarkEagle3: so perhaps I'll start looking for people to eat
chofmann79: mmmm, non-leutner food
DarkEagle3: you suck
chofmann79: you're gonna eat people?
- DarkEagle3: well, some guy named Larry Danger Duffman is a slut
DarkEagle3: my highlighter just told me so
- DarkEagle3: your prelab can eat me
DarkEagle3: cause I am choice meat
DarkEagle3: mmm mmm good
DarkEagle3: you're all thin and wirey
DarkEagle3: no one wants to eat a thin and wirey cow
The Marku Section
- Duffman: [about attempting to pin girls for Lambda Lambda Lambda with minimal breast contact] nah, too weird for me -- basically just gave her the pin and ran
SMrk17: I'd say grab a handful of it, put the pin on, then smack her on the ass
SMrk17: but then I'm old-fashioned like that
- Duffman: does he look like me?
SMrk17: he's indian
SMrk17: you people all look the same to me
- Duffman: oh, come on... it's sophomore year -- I've got to run through all Case's supply of problem girls
Duffman: it's the greatest hobby there is
SMrk17: even better than collecting model sailboats?
- Duffman: I wonder if she's got a third arm or something
SMrk17: hey, that could be useful
SMrk17: don't knock it
- Duffman: this is room design, though -- room design is always based on sex... if you're planning it right
SMrk17: and I assume you've planned every single detail
SMrk17: right down to which drawer to put your socks in
- Duffman: yeah... she was chubby, and she actually was quite thin when I was on her... and now her ass is big enough to act as a satellite for MLB broadcasts
Duffman: (the chubby was before I met her)
SMrk17: sweet
SMrk17: I should hang out with her so I can watch the phillies in the playoff race
- Auto response from Duffman: Could I be any more idle?
SMrk17: mayb
SMrk17: e
SMrk17: yo idle makes me horny
- SMrk17: DUFFMMMAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
Duffman: you need a swift kick in the junk
SMrk17: dude, listien, you haver no idea
SMrk17: there's laffing going on mext door man
SMrk17: lotta fuckers
SMrk17: somebody wants to have sex with someone
SMrk17: prolly kenny and gotom
- SMrk17: get the quick hook up
SMrk17: drop it
SMrk17: then get laid
SMrk17: problem solved
SMrk17: an Duffman-rific solution
- SMrk17: I'm gonna make you wish you could watch frasier all day and all night you assgoblin
- SMrk17: man, you should've seen the ovaries on that one girl
- SMrk17: So I took your easy test and got 8 out of 10. That's just fine but Smokey9903 scored 9 out of 10. This is a source of confusion for me as that is Stacey's screen name. I'm currently engulfed in a world of "huh?". I'm also extremely bored. Boredom and confusion are a bad mix so send me an e-mail with your thoughts as to how in the hell this happened. Please. This just happened, and I haven't started coming up with paranoid theories yet, but you know me, they'll be coming.
This just amuses me because I started checking if my IM tests work by taking them under the screen name of the girl Marku was going out with at the time, since he always takes the tests and I felt like shocking him, since there's no way she should have my screen name or know much at all about me.
Auto response from Duffman: I'm at the house. Maybe it's Delta Iota Kappa... or maybe it's just a cool house.
SMrk17: Maybe the Palestinians were involved in this. They always seem to be involved in everything.
- SMrk17: never underestimate the value of a slut
Duffman: what the hell are you talking about?
SMrk17: say you're bored, you want some action, you don't wanna spend a lot of time and money
SMrk17: sluts will solve the problem
Duffman: I don't think I'll ever be in that situation, so I guess I just don't know...
SMrk17: we'll see, we'll see
- SMrk17: what's the circle of terror?
Duffman: the area around me that I can beat down with the pool cue
SMrk17: but is anyone else there?
Duffman: no, because I marked it off... duh...
SMrk17: I'm glad to see you're so anti-social
- SMrk17: whatever, sounds like more bizarre Duffman stuff that makes as little sense as any thing else you do
- SMrk17: woooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Borg: who is this?
SMrk17: mrs. radachy
Borg: no, it really isn't
SMrk17: dude man it so is
Borg: is this koenig?
SMrk17: otiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Borg: woooooooooo!
SMrk17: yeah man
Borg: i gueesed by the initials
SMrk17: i'm so koenig right now
SMrk17: woooooooooooooooo
Borg: no you're not
Borg: god, i hate whoever you are
SMrk17: fuck i am
Borg: i'm going to bed, i'm too drunk for this
SMrk17: you suck ]man
Borg: this is probably my sisiter, fucking with my world or somethign
SMrk17: i am borg's sister
Borg: no, you're really not
SMrk17: i so am
Borg: because my sister doesh't now my nickname is borg
SMrk17: she does now
Borg: whatever, goodnight
SMrk17: gfojoosndnithgtht man
SMrk17: woooooooooooooooooo
Auto response from Borg: goodnight, bedtime
- SMrk17: you're a twisted bastard, you know that?
The Trombley Section
- Duffman: it's just that nobody's that insane, so they never thought of the question
timko82: precisely
timko82: you're above comprehension for mere mortals i guess
- Auto response from Duffman: I'm hitting the hay... which seems to be disturbing Bessie the Cow.
timko82: i thought cows weren't your style... well i guess i was wrong... i'm sure there are some sigma psis that will be thrilled to hear this
- timko82: good thing you're eating light italian dressing
Duffman: actually, I went unveggie for my hell week, but I'm going back
timko82: good to hear
Duffman: and BTW, that's fat-free Italian... even girlier
timko82: eeewww
- timko82: oh yeah, be sure to include your size in the email
timko82: and i mean shirt size
Duffman: oh, you'll get both of them
timko82: aha
timko82: just making sure
Duffman: and the shirt's not the Extra Large
timko82: hey
- timko82: plus the ass is more your style anyways
Duffman: oh, you know I'm all about that...
timko82: do plan to give it or recieve it?
Duffman: it's all good
timko82: maybe from your point of view
- timko82: Tomorrow friday April 26, 2002 is national ASS GRABiNG DAY send this to ten people and have a fun ass grabing day. Less than ten u wont get none
Duffman: so, did you reach your 10 or do I not have to watch my behind tomorrow?
timko82: i didd
Duffman: eep... oh, well... looks like lead pants for me
timko82: hehe
timko82: get ready bitch
timko82: :-)
timko82: bend over
Duffman: I don't think you'd want your grabees bent over -- it'd make it all bony -- 45 degrees, then you get some nice soft tushy
timko82: thanks for considering my enjoyment
The Rest
- Duffman: apparently the transaction went through just now, and Marku has sold his soul to Poe
PhatDragon16: poe likes the fixer uppers?
- Duffman: damn old people are conspiring against us...
Emily85647: them and their dirty lamps of doom
- Duffman: I'll funnel it out of my book money... say I'm taking 8 classes or something
Kalaran: well arlight
Kalaran: I guess it beats selling handjobs in east cleveland
Duffman: oh, well I can do that, too
Kalaran: its good to diversify
- Duffman: not at all... I've got liquor to drink, but without any girls here, there's no point
Duffman: well, there's [names deleted], but they hardly count
PhatDragon16: put wig on marku
PhatDragon16: or a mop at the very least
- Duffman: there's plenty of getting durnk to be done now
Duffman: ag
Duffman: I meant ah
Duffman: how the hell did I screw up 2 lettters>
Tboneplaya: i don't know
Duffman: goddamn, I need to lie on the floor again
Tboneplaya: lol
- Duffman: yeah, but my dreams are at least 50% composed of hardcore sex with various hot girls... I don't think most of them would be up for it
PhatDragon16: have you ever asked?
Duffman: well, the problem is that most of the time, these are girls I'm going out with or have at least a decent chance with...
Duffman: this would be less than smooth
PhatDragon16: maybe if you ask nicely
- Anand: i've now got a frozen cobbler in my trunk.
Anand: and no, that's not a clever euphemism
- blddietz: i ain't no god damn farmer
Auto response from Duffman: Hitting the hay... sorry, Farmer Dan, but hay really pisses me off...
blddietz: you rat son of a bitch
blddietz: turn your fucking noises off
blddietz: i can hear them from my room
blddietz: bleep
blddietz: bloop
blddietz: bleep
blddietz: bloop
blddietz: bleep
blddietz: bloop
blddietz: bleep
blddietz: bloop
blddietz: bastard
- BlinkenMln: that have roast beef @ leutner too
BlinkenMln: it's huge and they carve it in front of us
BlinkenMln: that is pretty good
Anand: have you asked the employees if you can see their huge roast beef?
BlinkenMln: no
BlinkenMln: don't need to ask
BlinkenMln: they bring it out all the time
BlinkenMln: without asking
BlinkenMln: ;-)
- clgosen: hey mr. erotica, don't get too psyched
- CrainKevin: I will kill you
CrainKevin: j/k I I don't care
CrainKevin: you can be my friend
- DLTriStar: you know, i think our idea of non-greek week will work fine so long as MSA doesn't declare Jihad on Hillel.
- double O zeroed: try your hand at mail order russian brides in the meantime though
double O zeroed: i hear they're tasty
- Emily85647: nowhere. and i only had sex with one guy. shit, she beat me
- Emily85647: sure ya can. how about we rename you tetsuo
Duffman: sounds too much like tits -- I'd never hear the end of that one
Emily85647: how about "Metals Fetishist"
Emily85647: and run around screaming things like, "Together, we can turn this world to rust!"
- Hugz4uall: im sure you can pull it off Duffman, your a smooth criminal
- Kalaran: dude, I havn't put on pants yet today, thinking comes after pants
- Lumine Garguille: i'll give you funny, bitch
- SilverL01: a flip n fuck! how fun!
- Tboneplaya: emmmmmm................penis cakes
- Tboneplaya: Homosexual is a Maru drunk
- ToeFooey: i don't even want to know what you multitask :-)