Swami Duffman Predicts Leaving Campus [The Beerquarium]

Duffman Leaves Cleveland

What happens when I leave campus? Does it even happen? Will the world take a violent turn and fly into the sun? Well, since I'm taking off for Chicago so I can take off for Palm Beach, I guess it's kind of important. And since we seem to like knowing the future and all, we put the question to the swami powers, which seem to suggest that we will see a whirlwind of activity both for me and for those back in Cleveland where the cosmic energy of my departure has led to high degrees of activity.

Pre-Trip Predictions:

On the Trip...

	I will get bad directions from a man named Bubba on the way there, and get slightly off track.
	After a little bit of common sense, I'll get back on track heading west but overshoot Chicago by a little bit. After a few car problems, I'll have to arrange some alternate transportation. It won't do quite so well on the interstate, but it'll eventually get me there.
	My parents will get another identical car, which means I'll finally have enough to juggle. Unfortunately, I'll forget that I don't have the upper body strength for three cars at once, and the results will be slightly disastrous. Also, while I'm down, someone will apparently switch my shoes with some extremely fruity ones.
	After deciding to meet up with one of the many close friends I've completely lost touch with after leaving for college, I'll show up and find out that she's had a lot of plastic surgery. She's also adopted a stage name and fudged some biography information, and most surprising of all, she's now apparently Brittany Murphy. Very confused, I'll turn around and walk away... of course, only after having her touch a lot of stuff so I can sell it on eBay.
	When in Florida, I will be discovered by a producer who'll make me a part of the new boy band, Threeve (spelled with a 4, of course). Our new single, "Baby, Your Love Is Like a Toaster Oven," will be scheduled for release in September.
	On the way home, I will be the first man to stumble across the magical rest stop 152B... filled with my heart's delight of waffles, women, and whiskey... Sure, maybe I would have preferred brandy, but I just report what the future tells me. Besides, that whole consonance thing is a whole lot of wiggity and a respectable amount of wack. Anyway, I make the obvious decision, stay at the magical rest stop for the rest of my life, and never update the web page again.