Duffman Translates the Lyrics: James Blunt, You're Beautiful [The Beerquarium]

Duffman Translates the Lyrics:
James Blunt, "You're Beautiful"

Well, well, well, James Cunt has made it big with his new album Back to Bedlam featuring #1 hit "You're Beautiful", which was kind of nice... the first 7 billion times I had to hear it. Now while the song isn't bad by any means, women seem to be hailing it as the romantic song of the generation and making statements about how they're getting all ready to drop their panties for this dirty Englishman, most notably supreme airhead Jessica Simpson. If you're wondering about the name "James Cunt", apparently Mr. Romantic had a little one-night stand behind his girlfriend's back and his conquest has reported being much less than satisfied by James's tiny manhood. Well, we all know how girls completely forego all use of their brains when they seen some unwashed retard with a guitar, so when they call something a super-romantic song, I'm a bit skeptical. Let's translate "You're Beautiful" and find out...

My life is brilliant. [Translation: Life is good when you don't wash your hair.]
My life is brilliant. [Translation: Life is good when you don't wash your hair.]
My love is pure. [Translation: I like deflowering girls.]
I saw an angel. [Translation: I saw a hot chick.]
Of that I'm sure. [Translation: This time I know it's not really a dude.]

She smiled at me on the subway. [Translation: I simply passed this girl. She probably didn't even notice me, considering how her face didn't reflect smelling my B.O.]
She was with another man. [Translation: She seems to have a boyfriend, so I think he's a little ahead of me, seeing as how I've never even spoken to her.]
But I won't lose no sleep on that, [Translation: But relationships don't mean anything to me.]
'Cause I've got a plan. [Translation: Because I'm a big homewrecker.]

You're beautiful, you're beautiful. [Translation: You're hot. Oh baby, you're hot.]
You're beautiful, it's true. [Translation: You're hot, and this time, definitely not a dude.]
I saw your face in a crowded place, [Translation: Let me reiterate how we've never interacted.]
And I don't know what to do, [Translation: And I'm not sure how to get in your pants.]
'Cause I'll never be with you. [Translation: Because we've never met, you have a boyfriend, and I have a tiny penis.]

Yes, she caught my eye, [Translation: I noticed she was hot.]
As I walked on by. [Translation: Let me reiterate how our entire interaction is me checking you out in passing.]
She could see from my face that I was, [Translation: I think she actually noticed me.]
Fucking high, [Translation: Because I'm a big druggie and everyone was repelled by it.]
And I don't think that I'll see her again, [Translation: And me checking her out is the only interaction we'll ever have.]
But we shared a moment that will last till the end. [Translation: But this is still the greatest romance in history.]

You're beautiful, you're beautiful. [Translation: You're hot. Oh baby, you're hot.]
You're beautiful, it's true. [Translation: You're hot, and this time, definitely not a dude.]
I saw your face in a crowded place, [Translation: Let me reiterate how we've never interacted.]
And I don't know what to do, [Translation: And I'm not sure how to get in your pants.]
'Cause I'll never be with you. [Translation: Because we've never met, you have a boyfriend, and I have a tiny penis.]

You're beautiful, you're beautiful. [Translation: You're hot. Oh baby, you're hot.]
You're beautiful, it's true. [Translation: You're hot, and this time, definitely not a dude]
There must be an angel with a smile on her face, [Translation: Someone in heaven put together this greatest romance in history.]
When she thought up that I should be with you. [Translation: And thought I should get you into bed behind my girlfriend's back.]
But it's time to face the truth, [Translation: But it's time for a reality check.]
I will never be with you. [Translation: In that we've never met, you have a boyfriend, and I have a tiny penis.]

Note: No offense is intended to anyone with small penises. This is just because he happens to be an asshole for other reasons so I feel like picking on him for his tiny penis, too.