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Theory 1: Hack
Perhaps the most tired and obvious of the explanations, the Hack Attack has been a suspected element in many theories. Extremely well-known around the campus, well-integrated into the Case environment, and having had years to exert his effects, Bill "Panties" Hackenbracht would certainly be a possible cause of many of the factors to be explained.
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Theory 2: Hammad
This is Mark Hammad we're talking about. Is there any reason why I should have to explain why this could be a theory? I thought not...
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Theory 3: 4th Floor Bathroom
Possessing eerie powers, the fourth-floor bathroom can make strange disgusting substances appear out of nowhere. This photo, unfortunately, won't illustrate my point because it was taken after House Cleanup and I don't think I've ever seen this bathroom this clean. Well, there you go. It can hide its true powers at will... there's another superpower. Cringe in fear.
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Theory 4: Marku
With the rise of his K factor around same time as the rise of Delta Iota Kappa's new issues, Marku is also a likely suspect for anything that goes wrong in Delta Iota Kappa. Experts assert that his apparent immobility might be a secret means of conserving energy which is later radiated destructively in efforts against the chapter. Tests, however, prove inconclusive.
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Theory 5: Zeta Psi
Hey, I didn't say these are my theories... But with close proximity to the Delta Iota Kappa house, wreaking havoc would be quite convenient and considering the cut-throat nature of some Greek Life, somewhat in their best interest. Ah, scapegoating is fun...
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Theory 6: Stripmine
The infamous Stripmine Don has forces of unnatural proportions. Supernatural forces have been attributed both to the laundry line of girls he's gone out with and to the incredibly short duration of each. Plus, his previous desires to join the Israeli army can't help but raise a few eyes at an appetite for blood or destruction.
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Theory 7: Location
Let's face it. The hill sucks. It takes away energy that could make brothers more productive, and puts the fraternity in an extremely uninviting place. Plus, any major issues that have started to come about started at the time when freshmen stopped living on South Side in the suites and started getting clustered on North Side, hurting top-of-the-hill rush and slanting everything that results from rush.
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Theory 8: Me
The Pook factor, certainly a largely destructive force in and outside the chapter, is not an awfully unlikely possibility. Often described as "a black hole of sexual energy" and able to hide behind the seemingly innocent Pooky pseudonym, I seem to have a large potential for havoc followed by bizarre situations that are beyond the realm of normal men, and suspicion is extremely natural.
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Theory 9: 4th Floor Quad
Probably the most mystical and unexplained part of the house, the fourth-floor quad has a lot of power for destructive potential. Often seeing unexplained streaks of large, unattractive women and known for its potential to pull people in and never let them leave, the quad is surrounded in mystery. And with the unexplained force of the "lingering Johnson" room, anything's possible.
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